I showed up over at Anchor Marina on Wednesday after almost an entire week of plundering the San Juan…..it was beginning to get down to bare bones, sort of like the week after an Easter Egg Hunt….Depending on the weather one opens the eggs that have been turning up all week long with great caution….

Island Time Jim was just coming out of his workroom as I rounded the corner. “Check this out” he said. On the table were many feet of unused single pair marine wire, countless stainless steel fasteners, a new battery isolator, a working leaf blower and a 200+ qt storage container that would make a fine dock box….big enough to house a medium sized family of illegal aliens.

“Twenty bucks” he said.

I nodded gravely. “Looks like Mark is in the market to play ‘lets make a deal’ again.”

We headed over there, and sure enough, Mark was definitely in the mood to spin the wheel of fortune.

“Hey, how about that computer, the one upstairs that Jean used to use?” I queried. “Yea….sure" Mark shot back, voice eager with anticipation. “And how ‘bout this” he continued as he threw open the door to the garage. “Here’s something you just can’t live without” he said motioning toward the 10 foot nearly new jon boat on it’s side in the corner.

“Wellllllll…..” I said, letting my voice trail off, acting somewhat disinterested, I”I guess I could use a work boat.”

“I’ll give you a hundred and fifteen for both” I remarked,  thinking of the eighty dollar San Juan and mentally making a ratio scale in my mind, figuring he was getting a hell of a deal from me….based on that rate.

“SOLD” Mark replied, voice high pitched, loud and eager with anticipation.

I mumbled; “I have to go to the bank and get the cash, it’ll about wipe me out….but oh well.”

I headed toward the Caddy and Mark caught up with me, begged me to take him to get something to eat. I hesitantly agreed.

And so he rambled on and on about his liberation, how he was going to take the proceeds from the sale of Anchor Marina and head south, to the jungles of maybe Panama. Maybe buy a four wheel drive RV and just live like a bum.

Now you’ve got to understand that I’ve known Mark for quite some time, even teamed up with him before he fell into the depths of depravity, did some very worthwhile projects. Extended the benefit of the doubt and had it rudely thrown back at me, until finally wising up and leaving him to his own devices. So as always I tried (although this final time somewhat half heartedly) to get him to understand that being a bum is fine, hell, that’s what a lot of us would like to be, or at least strive to do, but like the old saying goes: “It ain’t what you do….it’s HOW you do it”.

Failing to get this point through, I paid him for the boat and computer and took him to the Whataburger  simply listening to him ramble about what he was going to do and how the world was taking advantage of him, and that it was none of anyone business what he did with (or to) himself.

Back at Anchor Marina, I knew better than to let him get away with the money. I wouldn’t see him for the next several days if I did, so I asked him to unlock the upstairs office where I used to sit and visit Jean when Olivia was docked at Anchor next to the eighty dollar San Juan, so that I could get the computer.

Noticing that a high dollar scanner-fax-copier-printer  was attached to it, I was sure that he had included it in the deal and so I began to not feel so bad about paying $115 for the boat and computer. I struggled the massive thing downstairs and into the back seat of the Caddy.

When I came back upstairs, Mark asked to borrow my phone since they had long ago shut off the phone to the Marina, along with the water and soon the cable and electricity.

No problem. I had things to carry downstairs.

So I took the CPU and monitor, came back for the keyboard and mouse. Mark was on the phone shouting animatedly at the person on the other end, waving his arms and stomping around the office, which by this time resembled a house on New Orleans Nineth Ward after hurricane Katrina.

“WHAT? DO YOU MEAN TO TELL ME I OWE FIVE THOUSAND DOLLARS RENT ON THOSE &^%$* THINGS? WELL THAT”S HIGHWAY ROBBERY!.......WHAT?.......WELL I NEVER READ THE &^$%^  FINE PRINT!”

He covered the diminutive mouthpiece of my cell phone with his ham like hand and glared at me; “These people tell me I have a TEN YEAR lease on those &^%$* washers and dryers down there” he said, gesturing toward the Anchor Marina Laundry Facility….”And I OWE three more years LEASE on them.”

I looked up from under a table where I was unhooking a flatbed scanner that I was sure that he wanted me to have as part of the deal, and said to myself; “Mustn’t Laugh…..Mustn’t Laugh.”

I spied a copy of Chapman’s Piloting reposing on the bookshelf, and I seemed to remember that he mentioned something about wanting me to have this also, and suddenly it was all too much, and a hint, just a hunt of a snicker escaped.

“IT’S NOT FUNNY!” he roared, glaring at me.

I exited, stage left and once safely outside melted down into a writhing mass of hysteric laughter. Upstairs I could hear him screaming, bellowing and gnashing his teeth, and I was a bit concerned that he might throw my cell phone out of the door and into the harbor.

Thank God I have insurance.

Making sure that the garage was open so that I could get the jon boat out, I went back to work on the San Juan, pulling out a few more interesting items.

Mark came back down, for the moment satiated, stating rather morosely that he had to pay off the five thousand dollar washing machine debt before the deal could close on Friday.

He handed me back my cell phone and immediately asked if he could use it again, and I handed it to him, rather absorbed at the time with the Whale pump mounted in the San Juan’s cockpit locker.

No sooner did he hand it back to me than the voice mail alert rang, and it was Jack, the local candy man. I started thinking about phone charges. Literally.

“Well I guess I’m going to have to pass that along” I thought to myself

Later, D dropped off the utility trailer, and Jim and I loaded up the jon boat.

Going back to the garage, I noticed a brand new inflatable boat complete with oars and bag in a shopping cart, I immediately grabbed it out of Jim’s hands and threw it on the trailer.

“I’m certain this was part of the deal too” I hissed, noticing that there were also several boxes of fishing lures, some stanchion mounts and a stash of teak that were part of the deal as well.

Outside the garage, Jim looked at me and said; " Have you no shame?"

"No" I whispered,  returning to the task at hand.

I saw Jim eyeing a yellow tool box….and I later told him that I was pretty sure that was in the agreement too.